Some people are held captive by a single feeling. One feeling that makes them afraid to do anything, afraid to go outside, and causes them to freeze.

It’s such a shame. One feeling that is literally hanging around you, that you are immersed in, and that starts making decisions for you.

Or worse: you constantly feel that you have to do things. That feeling makes you run around 24/7, because otherwise you feel useless.

When you sit down and do nothing, you kind of put the brain into default mode, and then it’s easier to decipher. So the pros don’t do it like that. You do it in motion. But it’s still good to say what happens when you don’t do anything, and how that affects your working memory compared to being in motion.

For a lot of people, the goal of life is simply living a life. So consciousness is, in a sense, a little bit of an enthusiastic hobby. You’re just really curious about how everything works.

But sitting down and breathing your thoughts away seems pretty pointless to me. When you sit down, you can see the default mode as a still image, like a painting.

A Story That Swings

Normally, you have a brilliant, narrative, dancing way of thinking. That thing that was already there, and what your purpose in life is—the thing you can’t explain.

Tunnel vision – sometimes pleasant

When you’re on medication, your perspective becomes narrower, like looking through a tunnel, which can sometimes feel quite pleasant. In a way, the total number of options available to you becomes narrower too.

Start in the Chaos

Do you know the game Mikado? If you want to decipher the brain, this is probably the best way to start. You begin with total chaos, and then you dismantle your thoughts one by one. That’s how you learn to understand your brain from the inside. You can, for example, see which two thoughts keep colliding with each other.

This is very useful when something isn’t going well: you simply go inside your own head.

Yes, you really can do this.

You can be held hostage by a feeling in two different ways.

On the one hand, there’s the feeling that you’re worthless, and because of that, you don’t go anywhere: you freeze and would rather stay safely at home.

I think the other side is even worse: the feeling that if you’re not doing anything, just sitting comfortably on the couch at home, then you’re wasting your time and you’re worthless. If you’re the type of person who is a “high performer,” this can be even harder.

I grew up in a family where my feelings weren’t always allowed to exist. The result? Every time a feeling came up, I ran away from it — I escaped into something — even when I was just sitting at home on the couch. It could be anything: working out, using substances, cleaning. It’s such a strange phenomenon. Because once I simply allowed the feelings to come in, I never had a problem with them again.

Now, when I’m sitting at home on the couch doing nothing, I think, “Oh well.”

On the other hand, it really does help me to tidy up my home a little.

Complicated, isn’t it, living a life like this?

A sense of freedom means to me that today I might want to be in a relationship with you, and tomorrow I might not. You can’t explain that to people who don’t have that feeling.

It’s not the same as saying, “Okay, but then why don’t we just see each other two days a week?” No, then the whole idea of freedom is gone.

But I still think you’re fantastic, though. I just don’t think having children is such a good idea.

Is that selfish? See, this is another one of those things. Why is that selfish? You’re also being held hostage by the feeling that you’re expected to have children. Where does that feeling come from?

You have the freedom to think about anything you want. Whatever it is.

There’s something very strange that we’ve been taught. As if you’re supposed to feel guilty all the time, even when you’re not necessarily doing anything wrong. That affects everything.

Social media? Bad for you.

Hamburger? Meat and unhealthy.

Don’t own a house? You’ve failed.

There’s some element of truth in all of this, but there’s also an element that simply isn’t true.

On the one hand, your knowledge and awareness increase. On the other hand, I didn’t used to live in a constant state of existential dread.