The moment I confronted that voice in myself

I get it. I have high standards too. I work out every day, I am in top shape.

But how often do I say to myself, ‘’I love you’’?

It took me very long to realize that all I did, all day, was talking shit to myself, talking myself down, not celebrating success. It was like I was flexing the same muscle the whole day, every second.

When I confronted that voice, it went silent. I went for it. Why do you do it to me? I asked that voice. Why do you inflict so much mental pain on me? Is this the only way to learn? Downgrading everything I do?

I don’t perform any better because of it. It turns me inward, into my shell. I am paralyzed from time to time. You better show me a better way to learn.

‘’I will,’’ Mary says.

This is exactly it, Mary said. The problem is that you are so used to talking badly to yourself, so negative, you have to replace it with kindness, without making it judgmental. You have to replace one behaviour with the other. Because if you say to yourself, ‘’I shouldn’t talk badly to myself,’’ that is exactly the same as talking badly to yourself. That is talking badly to yourself again, from a different angle.

But isn’t replacing it with kindness the same reaction? I asked.

I guess we just have to find out in practice, Mary said. We can also try to make it worse first, as weird as it sounds. That you talk so negatively to yourself but you still keep going. It will loosen its grip on you, maybe. Then you don’t fear that voice anymore.