The only reason why ADHD/ADD is scary is because you don’t understand how it works
ADHD/ADD is learning to drive a Ferrari. You don’t realize that you have a fast car, therefore it’s hard driving it.
Gas
- You are 200% engaged in one task. You spend all your energy on that (hyperfocus).
Other people (without ADHD symptoms) don’t understand the intensity of hyperfocus. You, on the other hand, when obsessed, are all in.
Brake
- You don’t focus on any task, and you let your attention spring from A to B to Z and whatnot.
Now the rest look at you like you are lazy. Which is not true. You actually need to rest from time to time, because you are operating at 200% during hyperfocus.
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It’s a different balance. This is a very valid strategy. It’s like being a kickboxer — either you hit hard or you dance around.
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Now you have found the gas and the brake.
Now you can learn to use the ‘in-between’ gears.
Reversed, there is autism, which can be (for me) extremely task-oriented.
It feels like you are putting a steamship in a certain direction, and it won’t be distracted, only focused on that task. Besides that, it can also be a narrow view. You strip away all the information that is not necessary, like a lot of social information, because you only focus on that task and the details. A lot of these tasks don’t really need social things, so you drop them.
The key here, at least for me, is to sometimes move the ship towards another small task, which is the hard part. It can be tempting to start the same thought the same way all day long until you drop down.
Why an ‘ADHD’ way of working can work really well
People with ADHD/ADD do this: they focus extremely hard on one task, giving it 150% (hyperfocus), until the fire has burned out.
After that, they do nothing and let their attention ‘wander’. This is actually a very smart way of working.
The problem is mainly in how everyone else deals with it. They don’t understand that you can start a hundred things in an hour and finish nothing. But it’s a logical way of working.
Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself
If you're doing nothing,
no little task, then what do you do?
Then your little task
shifts to the inside of your body.
Or your little task
shifts to looking out the window and enjoying the view.
Some people
find this scary. I think it's the best thing there is.
You can quietly see
where thoughts come from, where feelings grow, and see why
you think what you think.
So don't be too
hard on yourself when you're doing nothing.
Just look at that
thought for a moment, and then the next one.
Buddhists do this
by making their little task “breathing” and paying very close attention to it. No idea why you'd do that. Not fun at all. It's much more fun to see where something keeps changing inside your body. Look, there a new feeling is growing.
Afraid of the Next Feeling
If you’ve had really unpleasant feelings in the past, you might now be afraid of the next feeling.
Because that next feeling — that one is going to be really bad.
“As long as it doesn’t become like it was before.”
You can hold people hostage with this. You can, for example, say: “An eternal hell awaits you. That’s how afraid you should be of that next feeling.”
Instead, say:
“Bring it. I want more of this feeling. Give me the worst feeling you’ve got. Come on.”
“I don’t want to feel good. I want to feel as bad as possible.”