Yes, I see that thing too—that thing in the back of your mind. The thing that explains your state of being. The thing that makes you see things that others don't.
No, you are not crazy.
I like to call that "bewustzijn." (The English words consciousness and awareness are slightly off, but let's use them for the rest of this text. Otherwise, it gets too confusing.)
Life is a plateau game. What I mean by that is that your body explains things to you through plateaus.
The first time a baby is aware of its own body, or becomes aware of you.
Or the moment you first become aware of your sexuality.
A plateau. A moment. A second. The instant it really happens—that first experience.
Or the first moment you become aware that you think. Or that you have negative, dark thoughts.
When you get older, wiser, and better at this game, you always know what you think. I know how many times I think a specific thought per hour. It's those small details that you recognize that make you recognize the state of your body, or where the whole ship is heading.
We are currently in rough waters. The amount of consciousness is expanding, and people are growing more aware of what is possible.
It's like an expanding consciousness, a shared consciousness, but these words don't really cut it.
The levels the pros are at:
Don't worry, you are safe.
- Always knowing which part of the brain you're using at any given second.
- Counting thoughts, seeing thoughts, creating thoughts.
- Forcing states: putting your whole body into a state (of love, for instance) and letting every molecule follow. (This is really possible. Try it.)
- You can ask your brain how it works, and it will show you answers.
At the highest levels, you become aware of your whole body simultaneously: your posture, the way it feels (like leather, for instance), what you've been through, that it was you all along, the subtle tones of your emotions, how your body fits like a jacket—is it too tight or not?
Measurement Mistakes in Psychiatry #1
Have you ever been to a party, and then somebody with ADHD walks in and completely lights up the party?
How is that possible? How is it that some people seem to extract more energy from the same food?
I always doubted that.
I don't think it's possible that one person has more energy than another, or maybe a little bit, but not that much.
So how is it possible?
1#
Let's take two people.
One externalizes 100% of their energy outward, while the other internalizes 80% and externalizes 20%. They both have the same amount of energy, but only the first person visibly appears more energetic.
I grew up in the Western world. Here, we are taught from an early age to control our emotions, to control ourselves. Maybe you even grew up in a place where you had to learn to control your sexuality.
2#
The other measurement mistake that is made here is not recognizing that people with ADHD work with different energy cycles. Somebody with ADHD can be in hyperfocus for 5 minutes (highest voltage), followed by 55 minutes of relaxing and being distracted (low voltage). People without ADHD tend to go through the day at a more moderate voltage. The total energy expenditure is the same between two people, but it is expressed differently.
It's like people who go through manic phases: they can go for months with very little sleep and then crash down. This is an energy phenomenon that appears to be a psychiatric condition.
Measurement Mistakes in Psychiatry #2
You go to the doctor. You feel down. The doctor looks at you and recognizes all the symptoms of depression. You have been feeling down for a few months already.
The problem with these things is time. I can tell you from a lot of personal experience that it takes at least 10 years to slowly build up a depression. I have been there. The hard part is noticing that this is happening: you don't really notice it, and then, boom, it becomes visible—depression—and you go to the doctor. But it had already been brewing for 10 years.
Timeline
0 years
Brewing
5 years
Still brewing
10 years
Tipping point. You go to the doctor, and the doctor diagnoses you with depression.
15 years
Fixing mistakes and recovering.
20 years
Recovered.
The problem in these situations is that nobody really did anything wrong. You had no idea. The doctor does their job.
Most Psychiatric Conditions Are Mistakes That Develop Over Longer Periods of Time
Again, I have been there. Depression took me 10 years. A psychosis took at least 20 years. That's why very young people rarely have psychosis. It's also the reason why psychosis is less common in older people: they recognize and learn from their mistakes.
My point? Most psychiatric conditions are mostly self-taught mistakes made over longer periods of time. This doesn't mean that I blame anyone for their mistakes. I have made every textbook mistake possible. Maybe you grew up in a hostile environment; you are then not really to blame for your mistakes. Most self-taught behavior is very logical, but not beneficial over longer periods of time.
It's extremely hard to unlearn these behaviors and learn new ones. I had a girlfriend who kept making the same eating disorder mistake: every time she got stressed, she started to mess with her food intake. She had to make that mistake hundreds of times before she could fix it. It's not that our brains are trying to mess with us; there is simply not enough time for your brain to debate every single step, so a lot of behavior becomes automatic very quickly. You have to take the time to fix those errors.