Why You Should Start With the Uniqueness of a Situation
Everything happens only once, in exactly that way.
That’s why the further you zoom in, the less reliable science becomes, and the more it starts to look like chance.
It’s like a painting: the large brushstrokes stay the same, but a painter can never make the exact same fine details twice.
In the same way, you never have the same thought twice. Every thought is slightly different—though some look very much alike.
What would happen if things did occur exactly the same way twice?
Then we wouldn’t be able to learn anything.
Because each situation is always slightly different—yet still similar—you can adjust your strategy. You start to recognize patterns: here I am again, in this kind of situation, or with this kind of thought.
Emotions need to come out.
It’s tempting to try to control them.
For example, through breathing exercises.
But they need to get out.
Try this: get as angry as you possibly can.
Now.
If only I could cry again
If only I could feel sad
I don’t feel anything anymore
I no longer know how to
When you see me walking
you might think nothing is wrong
the opposite is true
I would trade places in a heartbeat
It’s true that your thoughts grow dark
when you’ve been through only painful things
but you are still standing
What I do when a dark thought appears
I let it speak all the way through
once it has been spoken
you understand why it stayed so long
I only do things that are good for me.
That sounds selfish, but it’s actually the opposite.
For example, it means: eating well, sleeping, exercising, and knowing many different kinds of people (not just those you agree with).
But it also means: deliberately doing things for a while that aren't good for you at all, because that’s how you learn. If you’ve never done it wrong, you don’t really know what "good" is. Hindsight is 20/20, after all.
Schools are crossing the boundaries of children with ADHD
You have a group of children. Some love being constantly in motion or being hands-on, while others prefer listening and structure.
The problem is that school consists largely of sitting and listening. This means that every single second a child is forced to sit still (when they don't want to), you are crossing a boundary. That’s not a disaster, as long as it stays within limits. But it doesn't.
The bucket fills up second by second until, after a few hours, the child explodes. Only then is there a "problem"; only then does it become visible (the child seems "unmanageable"). But that isn’t entirely fair: the school started it.
Postscript: This also applies to children who are more intelligent than their peers. They are like a car capable of doing 100 miles per hour, but they are forced to drive at 50. It’s nobody’s fault, but keep in mind that every second they aren't allowed to hit 100, a boundary is being crossed there as well.