The Difference Between a Normal Brain and an ADD Brain

There isn’t one. It appears as if an ADD mind jumps from one thing to another.
But every brain does that.

First, let’s take fear out of the equation. We are scared of brains that jump around. Kids take pills for that, as if they are broken.

So, what is the difference?

Let’s say you and I have a conversation about an aunt. You keep the conversation narrow. For instance, you start talking about one of her children, a nephew.
I start talking about snow. Why? Because the aunt has a dog, who likes salty snacks, salt is found on mountains, and on mountains there is snow.

Subject: Aunt
You: Nephew
Me: Snow

From the outside, it looks like I started talking about something completely different, as if I wasn’t engaged in the subject. But I was: I just used a much bigger circle. You took a small step, from the aunt to one of her children.

But like we all know: sometimes the easiest connections are made by those who talk on autopilot, and are the most distracted.

How to Get a Psychiatric Disorder

For the last 36 years, I tried to collect as many psychiatric diagnoses as possible.

Yes, I really did this. And it’s actually possible.

There’s a lot of ADHD (from my mother) and autism (from my father) running in the family, so I figured I might as well give it a shot.

The one that almost took me out was an eating disorder that, I think, had been underlying everything all along.

My official diagnoses:

  • ADHD

  • Autism

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder

  • Psychosis

Suspected:

  • Problems with eating and body image (this is the only self-diagnosis).

 

Summary

A few years ago, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital—for the second time.

I was even given an excuse to never work again (which is rare), but I refused. Now I have a serious job and an expensive apartment, so there’s hope for everyone.

How I recovered:
Through a very strict routine of sleep, eating, and workouts, with long periods of silence during the day. And by maintaining as much normal human contact and rhythm as possible. Basically, it’s like religion—just without the higher power.

To be clear: at my lowest point, I completely lost it. The bizarre thing is that you actually stop doubting yourself. You become overly confident in a strange way. So having a lot of self-doubt? That’s actually a good sign. That’s how it should feel.

To be clear: most psychiatric diseases take years to build up.

You don’t get depressed overnight.

Especially episodes of psychosis take years.

My sequence looked something like this:
Suppressed emotions, boredom, under-stimulation, substance abuse, taking a lot of unhealthy risks, work uncertainty → psychosis.

When you are psychotic, normal relationships get disturbed. I thought my dog was a robot, and I called my mother some hurtful names. At the peak of my psychosis, I lost all doubt, which was a bizarre experience. I still saw myself as the smart person I once was and thought I behaved that way, while my family—well—they saw me differently.

I hit rock bottom so hard that I didn’t want to get help. And that’s exactly what helped me the most: doing it completely by myself. I literally rebuilt my life. I lost all my friends, started taking care of my body, eating clean, sleeping normally again, and stopped using substances (hard drugs and alcohol). Gradually, I got smarter again. What I am writing now, I couldn’t have written a few years ago. I was literally dumb.