First, let me explain the difference between subconscious and conscious.
Subconscious means that you have taught yourself something and you still do it that way. You do it without thinking.
Being conscious means knowing what you are doing while you are doing it.
This is notoriously hard. If you have taught yourself to control your emotions via food, you kind of ‘forget’ that you do that. You do it, but you do it subconsciously.
The reason why this works the way it works is that if you would have to do everything consciously, it would take way too long. If you would have to think with every small motor gesture (like grabbing something), you barely would move (how do I walk, how do I talk?).
This is the reason why babies need a lot of sleep. The first things you learn also go consciously. This takes an unbelievable amount of energy.
The problem with a lot of psychiatric diseases is that people taught themselves wrong behavior because they were in a position where they had to. If you grew up in a hostile environment, you maybe taught yourself to stay sharp and alert the whole time. You still do that, but subconsciously.
The good news is that you can fix your subconscious behavior by learning to communicate with yourself. Your body has subtle and elegant ways to show you what you are doing, and that you can fix those things.
The easiest example I can give is blocking emotions. I used to block my emotions. I used to suppress my grief and my enthusiasm. Every time I wanted to speak out, I swallowed my own words, creating a lot of stress in my body. I only had to not do that—which took me years to relearn. I was so used to 'punishing' myself in a way.
Another way to explain this principle.
Let’s say you have to take every step fully consciously, without any subconscious processes.
You grab an apple.
While this may look like one action, you are actually doing millions of actions at the same time. If you would have to take all these individual actions consciously, you would be paralyzed. You would have to move your arm forward while simultaneously keeping your heart beating, while simultaneously not falling over, while simultaneously not doing all the other crazy things you could do right now, like jumping out of a window.
This is not possible.
So, you do things partly consciously and partly subconsciously. That’s how you learn.
The role of awareness
You’re not aware of everything happening in your body at the same time—but it is happening. Your heart is beating, your body is repairing itself, you’re smelling things, and maybe you’re doing a nice stretch.
Your body has a sly, fox-like way of showing you how it works.
If you’re sitting in your room, it can suddenly make you very aware of something. Very aware of what you’re thinking, for example. Maybe even of a single thought.
Or very aware of how you’re breathing. Or you suddenly become very aware that something in your body hurts.
Bodies do this in a clever, almost cunning way—and they generally have your best interest at heart.
Look, I’m not suddenly very aware that my whole body is in pain. But I have been exercising a lot lately. Maybe even too much???
The more precisely you know the position, the less you know the impulse.
If you look at a particle, you don’t see everything else.
It’s the same with people. If you only see a psychiatric disorder, you don’t see all the other things someone is. That someone is kind, or likes ice cream with sprinkles. It’s very tempting to look at someone through just one lens.
If you look at animals and only see something you can eat, you don’t see everything else. You don’t see the character of an individual cow or chicken.
If you focus on just one part of yourself—your breathing, for example—you don’t see all the other things happening at the same time. That’s why it doesn’t make sense to focus only on your breathing.
This is how awareness works. It’s like a flashlight you shine on one small part of reality. Nice—but don’t forget everything else.
What you think about says a lot about you.
“You worry a lot, don’t you?” Mary asks. That’s not a bad thing at all. It actually means you care. People who are involved and who value others often worry. They really do lie awake at night. No, it’s not fun—but it happens.