The grail means refining the way you look at the world until you reach a point that feels right to you. And that journey, of course, never really stops.
It feels like you work in reverse: you go from a very narrow view of reality, with rigid beliefs, to a broad, open view, and then you arrive at a point that you actually want.
Dangerous points:
- Getting too deeply attached to one particular belief. This is how you learn, but it can be very difficult to get out of it.
- You can also look at reality too ‘loosely,’ and then everything becomes spiritual and energy—so that nothing means anything anymore.
The art is to have seen everything and then form your own judgment.
How do you do that? By looking at reality through as many different lenses as possible (religion, science, Buddhism) and making sure you experience many different things yourself. In an ideal scenario, you have lived like a junkie, and you have also been rich. A brain is very elastic, so you can also go through phases where you are out of shape (and therefore less sharp), and then train yourself again and become smarter.
Your body can explain all of this to you very efficiently, but it often takes a lot of time and reflection. Keep that in mind. Be very clear about what you do and do not want, and be vocal about it to yourself. For example: “I want to spend the whole day at home by myself today and not be disturbed.” Not always fun for everyone else, but very clear.
“Saw that it was good.”
First, you write down your internal conversation in a slate, in beats.
Let's say for 2 minutes.
light
weird feeling in knee
something outside happened — got pulled out of thought
I was too deep in
is that dangerous?
too much medicine
brain feels elastic
doubt
thinking is beautiful
monkey jumps
piano
Now, you can see all the interesting relationships between everything that happens in your brain, and therefore in your body.
I feel that the doubt comes from my right knee. There is a relationship between my brain and my right knee, because there is an emotion there somewhere.
There is also a disconnect with my body.
Maybe you are like me and you are a bit on the sensitive side. Then it’s extra important to say: “this is what I want.”
This may feel selfish, but it’s the opposite. Strong people always stand up for themselves first. They say, “This is what I want and this is what I’m going to do.” Then the rest follows, or it doesn’t. This doesn’t mean that you bulldoze over people. But you stand up for yourself.
So always start with what you want. How you want to feel, what you want to do. How you want to look at the world. The others can worry about themselves.
The world is a fantastic place.
There is nothing that tests your beliefs as much as the beliefs you already hold. Beliefs that are constantly reinforced by everything you see on the internet and on TV.
I have had periods when I thought the world was a terrible place. And now I think it is a fantastic place.
From now on, I’m going to take a more positive approach with what I write, because I’m done with my own negativity.
If you start every thought from a very small understanding of what the Earth is, everything becomes scary.
The idea that you have to let go of when you are too performance-based is that you always have to do something to get better.
0 state
I think 99% of problems come from people being scared of their own feelings. I used to run away all day, trying not to feel.
1
You sit down and let all feelings in. This takes courage. You sit down and gently let the feelings, the tension, in.
2
Have you permanently solved your feelings? Probably not. But the result is twofold.
One: you did something very courageous. You sat down and faced it.
Two: it helps, or you learn from it. I learned indirectly that all I did was control my feelings all day long. It’s like forcefully making the mechanics of your inner body visible.
3
Consciousness always starts with the dark sides within yourself, because that is where the biggest problems are. It’s always going to point to the anxiety, the depression. Because that is where the instability is.
What happens after 3, and you reverse back to the 0 state, is that you understand that new relation. You understand consciousness. It is like something you learned, an idea you shot at.
I like to think of religion as being conscious, and that our universe, in a way, started as an idea, a null state, that learns itself over longer periods of time. We stress-test it by looking at it differently. It is so unbelievable that we all look so completely different at the same thing.
Everybody’s opinion is what matters most. A lot of different ideas about what it is are actually a sign of strength, not weakness.
Be extremely vocal about how you feel about things within yourself. Also when you are only talking within yourself, you can address thoughts and feelings proactively. It’s your body. Nobody else’s. If you don’t like how it feels on the inside, you address it and start the conversation within yourself.
My personal journey with consciousness started by not liking certain thoughts and ideas, and I literally attacked them within myself.
Don’t be ashamed that you like thinking.
What do I do when I want to remove a thought from my head?
You listen. That doesn’t mean you have to act on it. But since a thought is sound between two vibrating snares, you listen first. This also gives you a lot of indirect information. Why, actually, do you want to remove a thought from your head?
Start by looking at your feelings without an opinion. You are not hungry; there is a change in the energy state around your stomach.
Make long thoughts.
Start with your board of your internal conversation.
Write down a few minutes.
Line of text
Line of text
Silence?
Short thought