I see that many people struggle with unlearning fixed patterns, so here are a few tips.

When I was little, I more or less discovered by accident that you can gain control over your entire brain and body. This doesn’t mean that you can consciously control your heart rate, but rather that when you find yourself in certain situations, you can learn to react in a completely different way from how you normally would. That is what learning is.

The body is incredibly energy-efficient. You simply don’t have the time to think about everything you do and whether you’re doing it in the best possible way.

Does your foot touch the ground? You know you have to lift it again.

There are billions of things like that in your system right now.

-----

You have that unpleasant feeling → you turn to substances.

An emotion comes up → you push the emotion away.

You feel an itch on your nose → you sneeze.

You don’t feel good → you go exercise.

You feel restless → you light a cigarette.

You’re scared → you remain frozen for three hours.

Something feels wrong in your body → you forbid yourself from eating.

-----

I don’t mean this as a value judgment. I’m not saying that one behavior is better than another. But it is important to understand how it works, and to understand that you can absolutely change it.

If you know that you can change anything, you’re never afraid again. In fact, it becomes kind of funny to live like an addict for a while, like a bored office worker for a while, or even to spend some time in a psychiatric hospital.

I don’t care what feeling comes over me. Even if that feeling meant that I would suddenly drop dead right now. Because of that, I don’t have to run away from things.

An easy way to unlearn things

1. Be aware of the exact feeling that makes you light a cigarette.
2. Every time that feeling comes up, let it completely roll out like a wave. The first time, the feeling peaks intensely.
3. The second time, it is less intense. The third time, much less. If you proactively sit with it, you can get rid of the pattern surprisingly quickly.
4. Wait calmly, or immediately go and do something else. Now there is already a different pattern in your brain.

I sound like a terrible car salesman, but once you get good at this, you can get rid of many of your addictions simply because you understand how they work.

It is much easier, though, when you are generally fit and in good shape. It’s not about punishing yourself. It’s about being aware of why you are doing what you are doing.

Big but

The patterns that involve making yourself eat less are extremely difficult, because the feeling comes up in your stomach. If you immediately push that feeling away and try to control it by eating less, you can quickly get into trouble.

So be careful with that.

You can get into a kind of “lock-in,” where you automatically start suppressing the feeling.

Why many people take Sunday as a day of rest

It gives you a chance to let those feelings come up while deliberately doing something different from what you normally do.

So, for example, don’t always go exercise.

That makes the contrast bigger, and you learn faster.

Just try it once.

It might feel a little forced (forget the higher power), but it works.