Thinking is the most beautiful thing there is. I love it.
If you pay real attention to how thoughts shape and form, it still makes me emotional from time to time.
Thinking is often better than watching TV. Especially on Sunday: I like to reload my thoughts, and then let them ‘pop’ on Sunday. Which is the best feeling there is. Like birds, that can be everything once again.
Tips:
A lot of people are scared of their thoughts. There are a lot of—I think—dangerous philosophies that don’t really understand thinking and overly focus on ‘no thought’ or breathing. Thinking is a skill you can master. It’s a blade you can sharpen, so to say.
Hourly Cycles
Look. Normally I wouldn’t write this down. I don’t want to interfere with other people’s lives. I also don’t want to be judgmental.
But I see so many people making mistakes when it comes to mental health that I almost don’t know where to start. Especially in science, people seem to have zero clue how thinking actually works.
Therefore, the system I use. There are many ways, but this is a solid one.
My official diagnoses:
ADHD (runs through my mother’s family)
Autism (father’s side)
Generalized anxiety disorder
Depression
Psychosis
I accumulated these over the years. A few years ago, I was in a psychiatric hospital twice. The second time, they picked me up with a van.
Now, at 37 (I am a man, for what it’s worth), I am happier than most and have a very solid life. I own my own apartment and whatnot.
What is very hard about mental health
It’s a slippery slope. You don’t get depression or psychosis overnight. It takes at least 10 to 20 years. Most people don’t notice that because it’s like muddy water. The water becomes a little bit muddier every day, until you forget that the water was once fresh. This is a brutal process.
Suddenly, you think, “Where are all my good feelings? I never experience anything fun anymore.”
So the moment you step into the doctor’s office, you are already too late. That is not the doctor’s fault. They try to help, but relatively late.
The system works like this:
First: you need to write down your internal dialogue. Just sit for 1 minute and let everything roll in. Try to name as many things as possible.
This is my internal dialogue from now.
- Breathing is shallow
- Notices car
- Thoughts go fast
- Two thoughts are jammed
- Who wants to read this?
- Tension in my body
- Notice that I look outside
- Bad taste in mouth
- Nervous system taste like electricity in mouth
- Recurring feeling on the left side of my skull
- Silence
- Listens to silence
- Noticing is the most beautiful thing there is
- Am I judging pain?
This was my internal conversation yesterday, which was more of a lazy Sunday vibe.
I am hungry.
A small buzzing feeling in my leg.
Something that fades away.
I can only do it on the spot, I think.
Spot? Where am I talking about?
How can I not understand my own thoughts? Are they smarter than me?
I feel regret.
Hunger again.
I need to tell this to somebody.
Mm, my internal conversation is pretty dim and static today. It’s not very varied.
A small world today. Hey, I made that up fast.
Am I in a psychosis?
My reality has become too narrow.
Am I telling this to myself?
Thirty, I am.
This wasn’t my real internal conversation. It didn’t sound like me.
Was it my niece?
I love you, niece. I’ll secretly treat you as mine, hihi.
Yesterday, there was more space between two thoughts.
My thoughts followed up on each other more slowly. Why? Because of the intensity my whole body ran on. Yesterday, I compressed consciousness in between the thoughts. It was not a sequence of thoughts and feelings; there was room around my thoughts. This room is consciousness.
You have to be careful when communication between thoughts or feelings is blocked.
Why do we cycle through thoughts about breathing?
Because it's important for short-term health.
The most important thing regarding the brain is that people seem to think that we are our brain, or that we have no choice.
The whole point of the brain and consciousness is that it explains to us that we operate our bodies autonomously. This is a very intuitive process.
If you have ADHD like me, and you figure out how to utilize it, it’s the best thing in the world. If you don’t, it’s hell.
I used to be very bad with emotions. If your emotions don’t have a voice, like many people experience, you also can’t describe emotions with words. So you need other tools. Pen and paper, for instance. Or journaling. The trick is to literally express what you feel on paper. And you build in small reminders for yourself. These are literal lifesavers, since you can actually put that emotion on paper, and then it’s out of your system.
Label everything
First, you address thoughts and feelings you don’t like within yourself proactively. You name them. “I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like that thought.” Don’t feel embarrassed that you have them. It’s your duty. Your body is your responsibility. Nobody else’s.
This doesn’t mean you can solve all your thoughts and feelings today. That’s not the point. You do it because you owe it to yourself. You are not running away from the responsibility for your own body. You are responsible for all your thoughts and feelings. Nobody else.
This includes the fun thoughts and the dark thoughts. The pleasant feelings and the unpleasant feelings. You are responsible for all of them.
Find the rhythm
Thoughts and feelings have rhythms, sequences.
This is my internal conversation from yesterday.
Can you see the rhythm? There are recurring thoughts about the internal state of my body, and thoughts that are more external.
They also have an order. It’s like a circle, but not a completed circle (not every thought comes back; some fall off the wagon).
Now, you have probably noticed that it’s a sequence that shows the inside of my body.
Thoughts about breathing, and breathing itself, occur in small circles because they come along often.
When two thoughts jam
Sometimes, two thoughts jam. So you look within yourself at what these thoughts are about, so that you can figure out what the problem is.