It’s mainly about the emotion underneath the story. Especially when the same emotion lies underneath every story. Act a little crazy sometimes. It needs to get out.

Thoughts are little stories that come to life in you, and you can use them to get to know the world.

At some point, you distance yourself from certain stories.

So be careful if, from a young age, you have had nothing but negative stories in your head.

Have you ever had the feeling that something suddenly “dropped” into your consciousness?

You need both good and bad to form a picture of the world.

Bad feelings and good feelings, bad thoughts and good thoughts. Together, they give you a realistic picture.

If all your thoughts are “good,” you are out of balance.

Consciousness is made up of stories you create within yourself to understand reality. Everyone gives these stories different names.

Be a little careful when you start filling in things you don’t actually know yet. I haven’t received a call about a job application yet. Now I’m turning that into, “I probably didn’t get the job.”

That could be true, but it’s actually something I’m filling in myself. Something I’m making up.

Why do I say that? Because I’m assuming they’re already negotiating with someone else, and that’s why they haven’t called me yet.

That could be the case, but the truth is, I don’t know that. I’m filling in parts of the story myself.

Look, this is your consciousness.

 

afkaderen

*It’s like a little field where everything happens at the same time.*

 

Look, this is where memories are made, where new thoughts grow, and where all kinds of emotions exist at the same time. Fear, sadness.

Sometimes I can really feel that something has entered my field that wasn't there before.

Or I don't understand what some of the cables mean.

Sometimes the cables aren't connected properly.

Then you don't feel good and you feel hungry, but you don't feel it properly.

“But if I only think negatively, will I get sick?”

Thinking about things that have happened that were painful is actually healthy. It gives you a chance to let things out.

What you can do, for example, is think about something unpleasant for a moment, and then think about something nice again. But negative thinking doesn't really exist.

What does exist is looking at the same thing in exactly the same way all the time.

Look, that’s where the pain comes from.

And there’s the sadness!

Always first take a look at where the communication is getting stuck.

Isn’t it beautiful to think that all these things are happening inside you at the same time?

There is love, anxiety, everything. Sometimes one thing takes over. Maybe that is something you need to do something about. But it all exists simultaneously: your memories, new thoughts, consciousness, energy.

Do you look at the world in a strange way? Or are you completely paranoid? Good. We should celebrate this much more: the fact that we all see the world differently, and that the way we see it keeps changing. It almost seems as if we want everyone to see the world in exactly the same way.

Thoughts are like a spinning wheel, so it’s important to let that wheel turn from time to time.

I find consciousness the most interesting thing in the world. What I think, why I think that, what I feel, why I feel that, how watching certain things alters a view on the world, how energy feels, whether vibrations are real. Man, I probably asked so many questions that the universe had a hard time dealing with me. I also tried to push my body into as many states as possible: I lived a creative life, like an addict, a “boring” stable office life, a rigid life, I got myself into psychosis, GAD diagnoses, ADHD, autism and you know what: I love this shit. Over-controlling things, learning to let the day unfold, having a too-narrow worldview, being too scientific, too emotional, too religious, too Buddhist. I learned so much I could write 20 books about it. While not stopping thinking about it, I am going to take a step back because I went very, very hard. My brother is in this a little bit too, so I’ve got to help him too. But man. That was close. Actually admitting to yourself that you find it fantastic was, strangely enough, one of the hardest parts. Especially in Buddhism, this seems like a constant confusion: people love consciousness but constantly try to get into “no-think” spaces, which sounds very contradictory.

You can learn to develop self-worth, even if you don't have it right now.

Self-worth is something you can learn. If you don't have self-worth, you may start behaving that way, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is very dangerous—especially if you grow up in the wrong family or as part of a minority.

Another major risk is psychiatric labels. They can have an impact on your sense of self-worth. As a result, your relationship with your body can sometimes become disrupted as well.

What is consciousness?

A lot of things. Life. Emotion. Growing up. A way to communicate with your own body.

For me, consciousness is the answer to a lot of questions. For me, it’s like an end goal. I can look at reality and almost cry because of how beautiful it is. The colors, the leaves. It’s hard to put into words.

But more importantly, it is a perspective shift: it’s your body explaining to you that you are your whole body at the same time.

This is notoriously hard, since especially in the West, we live very “brain-based.” As if the brain is the commander of our body. Which is not how it works.

Consciousness can help you accept the subconscious, the automatic patterns in your behavior, and fix them, or be more forgiving about making mistakes. It taught me everything about how I look at myself. It’s reflective in essence.

It’s not always fun to be me.

I often feel a lot, and I don’t know why. And then I become completely paralyzed. That’s why I would rather not have children.

A Little Gift

It’s nice, sure, knowing already that tomorrow you’re going to eat 2,750 calories. And it works incredibly well, too. The only problem is this: when you keep so much control over something, the day can no longer unfold and reveal itself like a little gift. By planning everything so tightly, you also create tension all the time.

Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel like eating something salty. Or something sweet. Maybe you won’t be hungry at all, or maybe you’ll be very hungry. Maybe your body needs exactly 2,250 calories, or 3,666. It’s probably not exactly 2,750 anyway.

Maybe the day has a lot of other things to offer as well. Feelings beyond your control. Maybe you want to meet someone, or go to the mall. Life is full of things you cannot plan in advance.

If life becomes too rigid, mix it up. Give the day some room to unfold.

Soft eyes

The most important thing in how you look at the world is how you look at yourself.

You can literally transform your whole inner world in one second by looking at yourself differently.

If you can’t look at yourself with eyes of forgiveness and compassion, if you can’t forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, if you keep looking at yourself with “strict eyes,” you can run into the same problems over and over again.

Be real about what you feel.

But understand that it’s not your mistake. Understand that the mistake is often in how you have learned to look at it.

If you want to take this further, try to look at the same thing from different angles. You’ll see that a lot of anxiety is actually suppressed excitement, for instance. And that there is a lot of blocked love. That depression is sadness too.

What consciousness has taught me most is that it helps to put what you feel on paper.

I always thought, “Why would you do that?” What difference does it make whether it stays inside me or is written down on paper? And yet, it helps.

What works well is being honest and writing down exactly what you feel.

So don’t turn bad → good, or the other way around.

If I write, “It’s often not nice to be me,” then that is true. It comes from the heart. Or, “I feel helpless and I don’t know why.” Those are real feelings inside me.

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I think “depression” is also an umbrella term for many people who feel something but have difficulty putting it into words. So we simply call it depression. But keep in mind that everyone’s depression is different. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

When thoughts and feelings keep coming back

They keep coming back because there is still something you need to do with them. If you keep falling into the same pattern — for example, things are going well, then they aren’t, and you turn to substances — it may be because you still need to grieve the things that have happened to you.

Otherwise, they will keep coming back. Your body doesn’t fire unpleasant feelings and thoughts at you for no reason.

For me, the journey called consciousness was mainly about learning how to feel. Throughout my whole body. In my stomach, in my toes. I found that scary.

Naming unpleasant feelings within yourself is important. Don’t run away from them.

Panic? Name it within yourself. Excitement? Name it.

Do you know that feeling when you don’t yet know how to put it into words?

For me, that feeling is freedom.

The beautiful thing about feelings is that they are also something you can give to others.

A feeling of hope. Or self-confidence.

If I could give you one thing

It would be belief and trust in your whole body. That everything works the way it is supposed to work. That a body is strong. That your mind works the way it is supposed to work.

Building that kind of relationship with your body takes time and energy.

How you look at the world

Consciousness is Mother Nature training you to form your own perspective on life. It does this by rotating different ideas, so that you can look at yourself and the world from different angles.

If you write down all your thoughts, like they are balloons around you, then the common factor is the thing in the middle, which is you. It is how you look at things. Thoughts actually matter.

All big religious figures are essentially selling their perspective on life to you. Buddha did. Jesus did. They were explaining to us how they looked at the world, how they looked at the same things differently.

Which view does the Buddhist sell you?

Live in the present moment. “Chop wood, carry water.”

Which view does Jesus sell you?

Love, trust, higher power.

Which view does the scientist sell you?

Observe, test, understand.

In my opinion, they are all true in a way.

Pure consciousness is unexplainable. The normal world becomes unbelievably beautiful.

The religious view is beautiful too: you look at the world with eyes filled with love.

Science is phenomenal too, obviously.

How you look at something is more of a choice than you think

You can really say:

“I want to look at the world like it’s this and that.”

Or:

“I want to experience as many views of the world as possible.”

You can do that proactively. It’s not predetermined what it is going to be. This is, especially from a scientific perspective, hard to understand: that you make something into a certain way by the way you look at it.

If you're afraid of feelings

See them as a tornado, and imagine you're standing in the middle of it. Pull the feelings toward you, inward.

The Holy Grail means

You constantly refine the way you look at things, as if you are making a wooden table and continuously shaving off pieces. You can therefore let go of certain perspectives on life.

The hard sell is this: you already know how to do it. You just forget. But you already know it. You already know how to feel love. How to feel grief. Feel those emotions within you.

But you forget.

Another important part of consciousness is knowing when to let it go completely and not think about it at all for a while.

Then you don’t stop to think about what is happening. You just do.

That can feel really good.

Why does consciousness exist?

Consciousness teaches you to become “conscious” of things that are happening.

Before that, you don’t notice those things, and afterwards, you do. You become aware of them.

Without consciousness, those things would still happen, but you wouldn’t know that they were happening. And that makes a big difference.

For example:

• Becoming aware that you always suppress your emotions.
• Becoming aware that you often want to say something but don’t.

I always see it as a line that already exists, but only after you become aware that the line exists can you do something with it.

Consciousness is the most incredible journey there is.

But the journey is certainly not without its dangers.

Are you extremely self-aware, for example because you grew up in a difficult environment? Then you may end up in a mode where you do nothing but reflect on your own behavior. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is important to be aware of it.

In a way, consciousness indirectly teaches you what you are doing, or what has happened.

And don’t worry: it is normal to be extremely self-aware for a while. That is not the problem.

I mainly use consciousness to consciously observe what is happening in my body. And not to be afraid of it.

Reflection

Reflection can be scary. It is that moment when you sit down and critically look at how you are doing things.

It is the moment when you really face your fears. Where am I getting stuck? Am I still happy?

Why don’t I feel good?

That last question is the one I use the most. The metric for everything is: “Does it still feel good?” The answer is often yes, until it becomes no.

Working out? Good. Working out every day? Doesn’t feel good. These are the small things you learn from, and then you can change your behavior. Without reflection, that wouldn’t be possible.

What is difficult is when you are too hard on yourself, or when you always run away from your feelings.

What is overthinking?

Overthinking is looking at the same thing over and over again, each time from a slightly different angle. Overthinking can be very useful: it shows you how you look at things.

What is OCD?

Imagine you feel like you have to touch everything on the left and the right. This is how your body teaches you that you and your thoughts are connected, but are not the same thing.

Always give yourself an opinion about what is happening in your body.

If something doesn’t feel right, acknowledge it.

What is reflection?

Imagine you are someone who is always doing things. You are either working, working out, or doing something social. That can be perfectly fine. But don’t forget to take some time to reflect as well.

That means really looking at what you are doing. Does it still feel good? Is there a feeling I am trying to avoid? These are typical questions to ask during a moment of reflection.

A moment of silence

It is nice to take a moment of silence every now and then. It gives you some peace in our hectic lives. Your whole body gets a chance to relax for a moment.

You can practice truly loving yourself. With all your weird habits. It helps a lot.

If there is too much distance between you and the world, everything seems ten times scarier. That’s why I always feel for people who actually want to work but are stuck at home. It’s important that everyone participates. Work itself doesn’t matter that much; we have made it far too important.

They are snares that keep pulling you back in.

So if you sit down for a moment and relax, it can do wonders.

You’re on such a strict schedule for how everything has to be.

Right down to the minute, even the second. Letting go of that.

So don’t already know what you’re going to do next. You’re framing it too tightly.

If you set up a one-dimensional relationship with something, calorie counting for example, all other relationships get pushed into the background.

So if you only focus on calories, it’s harder to feel what your body really needs during the day. Maybe it’s something salty. Something sweet.

The same happens if your whole reality is based on science or religion or Buddhism. It’s virtually impossible to see the other things as well.