Men

I grew up in a place where showing emotions was seen as a weakness.

So what do you teach yourself to do? Look angry when you’re out on the street.

The very last thing you do is show that you’re afraid, because then you’ve failed.

The problem is that you are afraid. You can lie to yourself, but you really are scared. And because you don’t admit it, it becomes much worse than it actually is.

“I find this scary and exciting.”

So what?

Recently, I thought: What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so restless? And then I thought: Oh yeah. I just bought a house, I’m starting a new job, I exercise seven times a week, I’ve met new people, I’m tired, a few years ago I had a psychosis, and now I’m here.

It’s simply scary and exciting. I genuinely find it scary.

And there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

I think a large part of psychiatric disorders is learned. That is not anyone’s fault: sometimes you don’t have a choice. Sometimes you have no other option than to pretend to be stronger than you really are.