Beats and Consciousness

Consciousness is best explained by doing.
I was reading a book about quantum mechanics 15 minutes ago.
This is what happened in my head:

“You don’t get what it says.”
“Why are you reading a book about quantum mechanics?”
“Those people understand things you’re never going to get.”
“I believe I’m smart enough to contribute something like this one day.”
“You’re distracted again—why can’t you ever focus?”
waves of extreme self-awareness

The idea of writing this down came after reading the book about quantum mechanics. That’s an important distinction. I wasn’t thinking about this while reading. This is why it’s important to note that it often works backwards.

My point is this: it’s normal to have a lot of voices like this. But writing them down—and realizing you’re not the only one—takes the fear out of the equation.

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What is consciousness?

Consciousness means you’re aware of these voices and feelings in yourself. You always know what you think and feel. Like a big fishbowl where things happen inside.

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What do you do when you have negative voices in your head?

I ask that voice: “Can I help you with something?”

It’s very important to sometimes let a negative voice speak. It’s the equivalent of people doing annoying things in real life: sometimes they’re just sad or scared. So you let them finish their sentence.

I once had the darkest of dark voices in my head. Then I stopped and just listened.
What do you think it was? Sadness.

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A sequence may look like this for someone practicing Buddhism:

“I need to finish this Excel sheet tomorrow.”
returns to breathing
“I’m almost going on vacation.”
returns to breathing
“I had a great workout.”
returns to breathing

Another sequence may look like this for a religious person:

“What a nice day it is today.”
thought about that religion
“I need to find my suitcase, I’m going on vacation.”
thought about that religion
“I need to call my friend.”
takes a moment of silence

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Now I’m going to make some bold statements. I’ve also seen tendencies like this:

“I want to go on vacation.”
“I need to wear a bikini on vacation.”
pushes down emotion
“This always happens to me when I’m going on vacation.”
pushes down emotion
“I’m not going to the beach.”

The example above is from someone I had a close relationship with, who struggled with eating and self-esteem.

It’s important to recognize this rhythm, because it’s annoying and moves blazing fast. Sometimes you forget that you’re pushing your emotion away so quickly—and that this leads to not wanting to go to the beach.

(I realize I’ve taken out a lot of subtleties, and I don’t want to disrespect anyone)

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So, what is the difference between all these strategies?
It’s the pacing—and the dimension you look at thinking from.

A Buddhist practices a different pacing by adding focus on breathwork.

A religious person (probably—I don’t want to make assumptions) often thinks about that specific religion. And by taking a moment of silence, you skip a lot of beats.

Both are very smart ways to get out of a specific rhythm and see what is happening.

You see, in my (real) example about quantum mechanics, I don’t skip any beats. One negative beat follows another negative beat. You can get into this rhythm for years. This is not necessarily bad, but sometimes it helps if someone points out what’s happening.

It’s possible that people with certain psychological problems forget that they taught themselves a way of dealing with things (in this example: pushing down emotion). This is hard to spot over a longer period of years—you kind of forget that you taught yourself the wrong way.

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PS: Thoughts are not a bad thing. You need thoughts to create new relationships with the world around you. You can also take “positive” and “negative” thoughts as equals.

PPS: If you list all your thoughts and feelings in a sequence, you get something like a rhythmic piano. It helps you understand which rhythm you talk to yourself in all day.