Summary
When I was younger, I thought I knew everything. This is my personal story about my love-hate relationship with consciousness—the journey from a slightly arrogant, know-it-all 6-year-old to a 36-year-old man.
I argue that consciousness is extremely important when growing up. We actually need the ego to find our place in the world. But once you reach the other side, life is never the same again—it becomes a beautiful experience.

 

Consciousness Is the Thing in Between
You Think You Know What It Is, Then You Don’t

I know exactly what consciousness is. I cracked the puzzle when I was six years old. I may sound like an arrogant twat, but it’s true.

Consciousness is your own body explaining to you how it works.

Since you are not just your brain, but every cell in your body, this puzzle is practically very hard. You are in the thing you want to solve. And you are also the thing on the other side.

Before I elaborate on this, I want to explain that living a life with an understanding of consciousness—and therefore of life—is fantastic. It’s like being on the verge of a magical world, where a simple evening in the garden with your family becomes like a fairy tale. The body and the universe offer unlimited interesting ideas, and you never stop learning.

Back to the example of the cells in your body.
Imagine you're playing outside and fall on your knees. Now your knee is bleeding. A lot of people would frame this as: “I have a wound on my knee.” That’s weird, since you make a distinction between “I” and “my knee”—as if they are two separate things.
It’s the opposite: you are also every cell in your knee, and therefore you are repairing your own knee. So, your knee isn’t repairing itself—you are, but you don’t know how. This is where consciousness comes in. Basically, it’s life’s way of explaining how your own body works—that you are doing this yourself. It explains on a detailed level how your cells (you) heal yourself on a fundamental level.

Another example: why are some people scared of bad thoughts? If all thoughts are made of a kind of electricity, then why bother whether something is good or bad?
Bad thoughts are made of electricity. And good thoughts too.
What you'll find is that a lot of bad thoughts operate on smaller electrical circuits and therefore draw conclusions too fast—like judging someone too quickly.

There are tons of stories that point you in the direction of how consciousness works. My favorite is the Adam and Eve story—a tale about one of the most important things in our bodies: the Adam’s apple, and our voices. There are also a lot of hints with apples in stories—Newton’s apple, etc. But I don’t want to ruin all the fun.

 

Okay, Mister Hotshot, I Want to Get Started With Consciousness Too—How Do I Do That?
You can just ask.
That’s the best thing about life: when I was six years old, I was sitting in my room and just asked myself, How do I work? And I started getting answers. It was that simple.
If you don't believe this is possible, here’s the alternative:
Do you really think you’re trapped in a body you couldn’t figure out yourself? That you’d be reliant on others or textbook knowledge to understand it?
You’re not. From the moment you took your first steps, you intuitively understood how it works. And you progressively get better.

Be careful though: consciousness is not for the faint-hearted. It’s a lot about feelings, and having a feel for things. It’s the most bizarre and surreal experience you will ever have.

 

Why No One Figured This Out
The hard part about consciousness is this: everything in your body happens at the same time.
Right now, you're reading, but your liver is simultaneously cleaning your body. You don’t notice it.
That makes no sense, right? Why can you read this text but not feel your liver? That’s because we prioritize certain activities. You’re simply not focused on your liver right now.

You could argue that consciousness is a temporary distance you need to understand that everything really does happen at the same time—a kind of dance you have with yourself.

Another hard part is the simplicity of it.
Let’s say you want to know what consciousness is. The first thing I did was look for the closest thing in my room that had consciousness—which was me.
So I started looking within myself.
I got to know myself. All my thoughts. All my feelings. I studied myself in every circumstance—good and bad. And I got better at it.
That’s the equivalent of knowing the difference between anxiety and arousal. They feel similar, but they’re completely different.

It’s possible to know consciousness without knowing life.
But people who understand life are always good at consciousness.
You know the type—people who sit in a room and just “get it.” You know, the opposite of most modern world leaders.

I like to see consciousness as life being curious about itself. That’s also how I see the universe: maybe it started because life was curious about itself, if that makes sense.
Curiosity is deeply interwoven in life. That’s what makes it so beautiful. It’s like the universe wanted to see itself—and saw how perfect it was, even with the imperfections.
It’s like we are one thing exploring itself.

 

I could talk for hours.
I know I sound completely bonkers, but I know I’m right.
That’s always hard when presenting a new idea. You have to understand—for me, it’s not new. I’ve thought about this for 30 years.
I’ve read a lot of theories about the relationship between quantum physics and consciousness, or consciousness and Buddhism, that are simply bad. They sound good, but they’re not.
I prefer the butcher’s way: say what you think is true in a clear way.

I think—and this is something consciousness has taught me—that if you think you’re crazy, you’re probably not. Because if you were, you wouldn’t ask yourself that.

Another thing I’ve learned: there are no bad things you can think about.
You can think negative things, but thinking itself isn’t bad—it’s not the thing that makes you sick.
Even if you think about hurting yourself—that thought isn’t what increases the chances you actually do it.

We need a radical change in how we view thinking.
From what I’ve found, a lot of thinking makes a lot of sense. It’s there for a reason.

This is also why I think a lot of Buddhists (or their translations) are terrible.
It’s like you have to breathe away your thoughts—while your thoughts are actually the core of what and who you are.
You never have to be scared of daydreaming or wandering off.
You are always in the here and now—you can never escape that.
Even if you’re daydreaming—that also happens in the here and now.

Trying to think positively is a disaster too.
Have you ever seen people trying to think positive?
You only do that when you’re miserable. Otherwise, you wouldn’t need to.
If it’s good, it’s good. If it’s not, it’s not.

 

This is where a lot of the legacy of “freethinkers” comes from.
I invite you to think about your deepest fear for hours.
You will not feel worse.
You are free to think about anything you want.

 

Are We Our Brains?
I think we need to get back to basics.
Sometimes people say we are our brains. We’re not.
We are our whole body, simultaneously.
A brain is something within you.
A thought is something small within you.

Things like sexuality often get labeled as “survival instinct,” which I find disrespectful to the most sacred and well-protected layers in the universe.

I like to think of our bodies as systems that give very clear feedback.
When we are sick, we get a bad taste in our mouths.
When we eat something bad, we throw up.
Our bodies basically work phenomenally.
They are as simple and clear as you’d want them to be.

 

So Far, That Was the Easy Part of What Consciousness Is — or Can Be
The above could’ve been written by my 6-year-old self.
Yes, I really was that arrogant.
But from here, it gets harder. Now we move into real life—the practical side of consciousness.

You could argue: we already know how a body works, right?
Why do we need consciousness?
We know what a kidney does.
We know what lungs do.
We kind of know what the brain does.

So here’s a thought experiment:
Can you, without looking in a medical book, point out all the organs in your body and what they do?
And by “what they do,” I mean how they feel in your own body.
Which ones are pressing more? Where is there tension?
Which ones give you trouble day to day?

Try imagining this is the first time you've ever lived—that this is your first moment experiencing the world. (Try it. It works.)

Let’s say you can do that.
Now, can you feel which parts of your body are currently overworked?
I’m talking specifics. Which organs are overworked? Where are your weak spots—and your strong ones?

I bet 99% of the world can’t do this.
We know how a body works, but not how our bodies work.
We know what a liver does, but not what your liver does.
These are two very different things.

Knowing how a body works in theory has nothing to do with using one in daily life.
Taking care of yourself properly is surprisingly hard.
It takes time, learning, and patience.

So, theoretical knowledge about consciousness (and this universe) is just that—theoretical.
It’s practically useless compared to real-life experiences and decisions.

 

Pain
Let me elaborate with an example: pain.
Do you think pain is bad?
You might, especially given how much we try to eliminate it.
But say you’ve worked out. Your muscles hurt. Is that pain bad?
We don’t take painkillers for workout pain.

 

Now, Let’s Zoom Out Again
The hardest part about studying yourself is getting stuck in loops—focusing too much on specific things (like organs).
That’s dangerous.
It’s like sitting on a branch and forgetting the whole tree.

Just like it’s dangerous to only think in terms of Buddhism or quantum physics.
We need to learn from each other—across disciplines.

Not everything I’ve written is true. But most of it is.
It’s an invitation: think for yourself.
What do you think about consciousness? What do you think about this universe?

It’s like the universe is begging to hear everyone’s opinion—even if you don’t feel like giving it.

You think you know what consciousness is—a definite answer.
Then it changes again.
It’s about us—like we are multiple things at once.
Which we are.

You can be scared and happy at the same time.
All of that exists within you.

 

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship With Consciousness
It’s like religion: you like some parts and dislike others.

My biggest annoyance—and here I agree with the Buddhists—is that consciousness can sometimes get in the way of life.
You just want to enjoy nice weather or a conversation without reflecting on it.

My biggest fear is that consciousness becomes a goal in itself.
It should be more of an interesting side quest.
And then you go on to other things again.

The “chop wood, carry water” idea makes a lot of sense.

Still, I think consciousness plays a key role in growing up.
Without it, it’s hard to know yourself—your body.
I don’t like the term ego. I see it more as maturing.
You actually need something like an ego.

Now, I’m at a point where I’ve stopped caring about consciousness—and therefore, about myself.
But I still needed the process in between.

So, consciousness is the process of maturing in between.
And that’s my final verdict.

 

Here I Am at 36
Consciousness is the thing in between—the place where I lost myself completely, and then found myself again.
Lost everything, gained everything.
And therefore, I am proud.

No matter what happens from here, it was a hell of a ride.
I’m amazed that this process is so deeply embedded in life itself—as if life knows how important it is. Simply beautiful.

I hope we can encourage young people to fully experience consciousness and find their own paths in life.

I hope you can read between the lines how much joy I’ve had with it.
I hated it at times, but the whole experience was absolutely amazing.

 

P.S.
I wrote this text a bit chaotically on purpose.
I hope people with a short attention span—like myself—will read it.